Opening Ourselves Up

Tonight, I opened myself up to a friend and shared a part of me that I don't share with many people. Now, this is someone I consider to be a good friend, and when I started talking I had no reservations whatsoever. With most people I have some fear in the beginning, a clenching and a tightening in the chest while I make my revelations and wait for the proverbial hammer to fall. This time, the clenching and tightening came during the silence after my revelation. Panic gripped me, and I wondered too late if I'd perhaps made a mistake in telling this person. 

But this post isn't really about what happened with my friend. That story isn't over yet, and it would be unfair to give it an ending it may not deserve.

However, I was reminded this evening how vitally important it is to be open with those we love. Even if it's hard, even if they don't look at us quite the same way anymore. Because to hide a part of who we are is to deny it to ourselves. In this, I am reminded about why I came out as a lesbian. I can't be quiet about a significant part of who I am, and still have any self-respect in the morning. But maybe you think you can; perhaps keeping secrets is so integral to how you see yourself that you may ask why bother?

Well there is a reward, after all, when it's over. When we've opened up about who and what we are. We can feel  more at peace. Secrets create stress, and stress can create medical conditions. Everything from stress on your heart to eczema, to psychological issues such as anxiety and depression. Allowing ourselves to open up creates spiritual freedom as well.

So when I'm sharing myself with someone, and that panic comes to roost, I will try harder to push it away. If the people we love cannot accept us the way we are, then perhaps they shouldn't have a place in our lives. Ultimately, it is most important that we accept ourselves, that we are proud of who or what we are. We must find our truth, and live it without fear. This, then, is a core element to what I believe life strives to teach us, and fundamental to our finding true happiness within our lives and our person.

Tonight's post is dedicated to all my friends, but especially those that have loved me with grace, dignity, and kindness.

~Please leave me a comment here and let me know what you thought of this post!!~

~::May you find great peace and joy in your life, and I will see you soon!::~

My Daughter, Josie Anne

Today, I helped my little girl dress up like a princess and then go to a ball.  Well, okay, Homecoming. 

Two days ago, we didn't think she was going. For numerous reasons, but primarily because the moolah just wasn't there. But that was before her fairy-grandparents visited us, took us grocery shopping, and then took her dress shopping. Then she came home with not one, but two dresses. The universe definitely smiled on us this week.

I wish I'd gotten some pictures of us getting her ready to go. I did her eye makeup, and not a half-bad job, if I do say so myself. We did a bright sparkly pink eyeshadow, then I lined her eyes with an extra-sparkly silver, and added just a touch of the silver at the inner and outer corners of her eyes. She looked pretty darn spectacular. We topped off the look with just a hint of lip gloss, strappy silver heels, and some little silver earrings. The dress was so colorful and sparkly, she really didn't need any other jewelry.

She's sixteen now; this was the first dance she's attended with a long-term boyfriend. That would be Michael, and they've been together for close to a year now. 

*sigh* She's so grown up now. And I'm not really old enough to have an almost-grown daughter, am I? Seems like just yesterday she was lifting her pudgy arms asking me to hold her, or begging to watch Barney just one more time. Remember him?

So tonight, as I watch Frasier reruns on Netflix (which do themselves remind me of a time long past), and I listen to the rain pounding against the window amidst coastal winds, I reflect on the past 16 years. Remembering a baby, a toddler, a little girl, and a pre-adolescent young lady. These days, she's becoming more of a young woman than ever before. She's preparing for college now, keeping her grades up and creating the adult she is to become through extracurricular activities. 

I'm very, very proud of this girl I call my daughter. I can't wait to see what she does next, as I am sure it will be something I don't quite expect, in a way that is wholly her own.

I love you Josie.

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Malabrigo and October Stockpile

Malabrigo makes the most wonderful yarns, and hands down is my absolute favorite! My favorite place on the web is Ravelry, where the group Malabrigo Junkies lives.

Seriously, if you love fiber and you've never felt Malabrigo, run, don't walk, to your nearest LYS (local yarn store) immediately to change your life. More expensive than box store yarns, but cheaper than  many of the "good" brands, it's a worthy investment for a product that will last. The Malabrigo Junkies group on Ravelry is full of like-minded individuals, and it just so happens that we're having one of two annual events: October Stockpile. The object is to begin and finish as many projects (out of Malabrigo, of course) as possible. And yes, prizes are available!

My first project of the month (and the way it's going, possibly my only project of the month) is the Foreign Correspondent's Scarf, by Lexy Lu. Here is my project page on Ravelry.

 

I'm doing it in Malabrigo Sock yarn, and the colorway is Lotus. I've been working on it since October 1, and I've got about 20 inches done so far. I'll keep y'all posted as to my progress.

I've also got several small projects in the works for Christmas... more information on those to come!

~:: May you find great joy and happiness in your life, and I will see you soon.::~

First Post

I hope today marks the beginning of a grand journey. I plan to use this blog to keep inventory of all the things that make me, and I hope to, along the way, post things that others will find interesting, endearing, funny, sad or otherwise touch your spirit. 

Please join me as I navigate the fiber world. I am finding I have a great love for knitting and other things fiber related. I will use this blog to keep track of my fiber journey through knitting, and perhaps at some point, spinning. I will use this blog to work on my writing--use it or lose it, they say. Look for book reviews and perhaps parenting essays. And I'm sure I'll find things to post that I am not expecting now.

May you find great joy and happiness in your life, and I will see you soon.