Tonight, I opened myself up to a friend and shared a part of me that I don't share with many people. Now, this is someone I consider to be a good friend, and when I started talking I had no reservations whatsoever. With most people I have some fear in the beginning, a clenching and a tightening in the chest while I make my revelations and wait for the proverbial hammer to fall. This time, the clenching and tightening came during the silence after my revelation. Panic gripped me, and I wondered too late if I'd perhaps made a mistake in telling this person.
But this post isn't really about what happened with my friend. That story isn't over yet, and it would be unfair to give it an ending it may not deserve.
However, I was reminded this evening how vitally important it is to be open with those we love. Even if it's hard, even if they don't look at us quite the same way anymore. Because to hide a part of who we are is to deny it to ourselves. In this, I am reminded about why I came out as a lesbian. I can't be quiet about a significant part of who I am, and still have any self-respect in the morning. But maybe you think you can; perhaps keeping secrets is so integral to how you see yourself that you may ask why bother?
Well there is a reward, after all, when it's over. When we've opened up about who and what we are. We can feel more at peace. Secrets create stress, and stress can create medical conditions. Everything from stress on your heart to eczema, to psychological issues such as anxiety and depression. Allowing ourselves to open up creates spiritual freedom as well.
So when I'm sharing myself with someone, and that panic comes to roost, I will try harder to push it away. If the people we love cannot accept us the way we are, then perhaps they shouldn't have a place in our lives. Ultimately, it is most important that we accept ourselves, that we are proud of who or what we are. We must find our truth, and live it without fear. This, then, is a core element to what I believe life strives to teach us, and fundamental to our finding true happiness within our lives and our person.
Tonight's post is dedicated to all my friends, but especially those that have loved me with grace, dignity, and kindness.
~Please leave me a comment here and let me know what you thought of this post!!~
~::May you find great peace and joy in your life, and I will see you soon!::~
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteYour post is so timely! Just a few days ago I was having a conversation with someone close and I was trying to explain what the purpose of deep down honesty really is. Of course there is the fact that you have told the truth, but even more importantly it is about being real with your own self and how that affects how you feel about yourself. There might be times when what you say to someone will make them think of you differently, or they may judge your rather than appreciate your trust, but the benefit to you and how you feel about yourself far outweighs any possible downside. Because when you withhold information, somewhere deep down you tell your soul a message that you are lying or that your truth can't be told because it is wrong or bad and that is so destructive, but when you let it out, even if later it hurts a little, it also feels soooooooo much better and you feel a little taller and a little less weight in your heart.
So... Nice post Jennifer :0)
Joni
Thanks Joni... I think it's interesting that so much of what I said could be applied to coming out, and explaining to folks who don't understand why you even have to bring it up. It's not, by the way, what I was referring to. Hmm, intriguing. Thanks again for your comment.
ReplyDelete--Jennifer